A Divided Africa...........

A Divided Africa………..

Dear South Africans,

I received the below message via WhatsApp this morning from a scared African in Pietermaritzburg and I feel it’s best I share the content of the letter with you. It has gone viral among Africans in KwaZulu -Natal. Please read.


Dear Neighbour from Africa & Other Parts of the World

We have travelled the world and have not found one country that allows the floods of humans across its borders as South Africa is experiencing. Even in wartorn part like Syria, Ukraine, Yemen and Somali.

We were 7 million people in Johannesburg City in 2011; today we have an estimated 13 million. Of course our infrastructure and services must collapse.

If you were quite prepared to disrespect the first Law of the sovereignty of our country why should you respect the rest of our laws?

We have just come out of an oppressive bloody Apartheid system while you North of the Limpopo had been enjoying freedom since 1960, 1975 and 1981 respectively.

We remember those proud milestones. But we are all still developing countries and our development must be impeded with so many strangers and illegals in our midst.

In Johannesburg alone you have taken over entire suburbs: Yeoville, Berea, Bez Valley, Turfontein amongst many. You have even moved into rural parts of our country that have 80% unemployment; and there are no visible signs that you have jobs either. But there are signs of drug-dealing, prostitution and other criminal acts that you conduct- sometimes in cahoots with desperate locals.

Your presence at this moment in our history is most destructive and destabilising to our country and our citizens.

Yes, we want to be proudly part of the geographic construct called Africa but we are as different from one another as Kenyans are from Nigerians, Ivorians from Chadians etc.

We recently received a story from the archives of teachers at a school in Cape Town. During the World Cup a group of primary school kids from different African countries north of the Limpopo were having a bloody fight in a suburb in Cape Town, South Africa/Azania, over a soccer match and one was stabbed to death and some others hospitalised. Those were kids between 9 and 11 years. They disliked one another’s countries and at the same time felt that they did not really belong in SA.

We are pleading with you to return to your home countries- as our King Goodwill and many other great leaders have asked. Go and build up those countries so that we can all live in economic, social and political prosperity and peace -as neighbours. The genocide in this corner of Africa will be far worse than what happened in Rwanda in 1994. Then the entire continent will be condemned to ashes. Is that what you want?

Our people built this country with their blood and tears, but built it we did. For you to come here and take jobs at cheaper rates, use and abuse our scarce resources (schools, hospitals, shelters, clinics, parks, streets- even our churches and shacks and open spaces to live in while shops are literally running out of food) and further add to already high crime rates, IS WRONG and IMMORAL. South Africans not fully employed or who were found guilty of crimes, were recently repatriated from Nigeria and rightly so.

Our people are preparing for war against all foreigners (from Bulgaria to Pakistan and Bangladesh to Africa north of the Limpopo) and we are all very scared. Please GO HOME and BUILD Africa. Millions will die if you don’t. This we can guarantee.

Good luck with your return

Patriotic Movement

Pan Local Forum

Unemployed Workers Forum

Anti-Crime Movement

And others.

In summary the above writer says ALL South Africans are xenophobic and racist. But I don’t agree with him. I don’t agree with him because Mandela was South African. I don’t agree with him because I have met wonderful South Africans. . I don’t agree with him because South Africans love Jesus. I don’t agree with him because some of my best friends are South Africans. I don’t agree with him because my beautiful wife is South African. I don’t agree with him because my 6month old son is South African too. South Africans are hospitable and tolerant and I believe he’s not speaking for you. Maybe only 1% of South Africans are xenophobic and racist.

What then shall we do South Africans?

Well, I am an African, born in Nigeria and residing in Johannesburg with my Zulu wife and son. Shall I leave the rainbow nation then?


Posted: March 20, 2015 in GOD + LOVE
GAY people are happy people

GAY people are happy people

This week’s very public spat between gay musician Sir Elton John and the Italian fashion and gay duo Dolce & Gabbana has revealed the need for gay people and all of us to start practicing what we preach – that is to be very GAY. We are talking the talk but not walking the walk.

The Urban Dictionary defined GAY as 1. jovial or happy, good-spirited 2. a homosexual male or female 3. often used to describe something stupid or unfortunate. Now I want to concentrate on the first definition -“ jovial or happy, good-spirited”. Truth be told, neither Sir Elton nor Dolce & Gabbana are the most popular, famous or richest gay people I know, that credit would only go to JESUS. He is the most jovial, happy and good spirited person to ever walk the planet. He was gay even long before gayness became fashionable and acceptable lifestyle. Being gay is more than a sexual choice, it’s a lifestyle choice which brings joy to your life and happiness to others. Jesus exhibited all the qualities of gayness in his interaction with widows, the sick, the hungry, the oppressed, the minorities – he had a good measure of love for everyone.

But Sir Elton John’s attack on Dolce and Gabbana wasn’t an attribute of gayness. Sir Elton took great offence to comments made by Messrs Dolce and Gabbana to an Italian magazine in which Domenico Dolce confessed that he does not agree with gay adoptions, adding that ‘the only family is the traditional one, you are born to a mother and a father — or at least that’s how it should be,’ he continued: ‘I call children of chemistry synthetic children.’ At this Sir Elton angrily replied. ‘How dare you refer to my beautiful children as “synthetic”,’ he raged on Instagram. ‘And shame on you for wagging your judgmental little fingers at IVF… I shall never wear Dolce & Gabbana ever again.’ He then created #BoycottDolceGabbana. But Dolce was merely expressing his personal view.

Which is that children need a mother — something that many will agree with. Besides what he said was informed by Christian views even though he is gay.

I am all for free speech and freedom to choose what sexual preference you desire, even though I tilt toward Dolce & Gabbana’s view that children need a mother and father. But Sir Elton’s attack on the reputation and business of Dolce & Gabbana reveals little practice of being jovial, happy and good-spirited. You can’t just attack someone because you don’t agree with their views, what happened to differences in opinions? An attack on the reputation of Dolce & Gabbana is a total disregard to their skill and business reputation even though they are both gay. An attack on the reputation of Dolce & Gabbana is an attack on the thousands of jobs created through the hard work of Dolce & Gabbana.

My advice to everyone – follow the example of the famous gay man, Jesus. Love even if you don’t agree with others views, tolerate without getting offended, refuse to engage in personal attack because of religious, racial, sexual and gender differences.

Every South African should be as GAY (jovial or happy, good-spirited) as possible. Being gay in South Africa will eliminate xenophobia, racial abuse, domestic violence, women and child abuse – because we will all be good-spirited.

#SupportDolceGabbana against Elton John’s intolerant inquisition. To support click here –http://citizengo.org/en/20086-supportdolcegabbana-against-elton-johns-intolerant-inquisition?tc=fb&tcid=11313842

20 Lies Told By Fifty Shades of Grey 

Posted: February 13, 2015 in SINGLES
Sophisticated way to abuse and use women!

Sophisticated way to abuse and use women!

The novel Fifty Shades of Grey was published three years ago, it sold 100 million copies. It’s purely a porn novel. The book was dubbed porn for single and married women because it is sexually graphic and full of crude language, and also because the protagonist Christian, a young billionaire who expects his girlfriends to totally submit to his sexual tastes—which involve whips, chains, handcuffs and grey neckties.

The movie version of the book was released in theatres across South Africa on 13th February 2015. I have not read the books or seen the movie, and I will not. I’ve read about the story, reviews and have seen the trailer a few times. I believe I’ve learned enough to write and warn my brothers and sisters in Christ. The main theme is that sex is selfish, manipulative, and even playfully violent will abuse and violate you. It might feel like a fun and harmless fantasy. It is dangerous for a country like South Africa where rape and abuse of women is rive.

May I also remind you that The Institute of Security Studies did a research project in 1999 which showed that there’s a high level of murders and rapes perpetrated against women.

– 90% of the women interviewed in the research had experienced emotional abuse: being humiliated in front of others was most commonly reported.

– 90% had also experienced physical abuse: being pushed or shoved and being slapped or hit were highlighted.

– 71% had experienced sexual abuse: attempts to kiss or touch followed by forced sexual intercourse occurred most often.

– 42.5% of women had experienced all forms of abuse.

– 60% of all cases of abuse were committed by partners, lovers or spouses.

Movies such as Fifty Shades of Grey will only encourage the abuse, rape and murder of women in South Africa and the world over. Here are 20 lies told by the movie Fifty shades of Grey:

1. Love is selfish and does not sacrifice for others

2. Do whatever is wrong to please yourself

3. A man could ask a woman to accept whippings, floggings, spankings, canings, paddling without hesitation, inquiry or complaint.

4. A woman should submit to abuse

5. There is pleasure in pain for women

6. Women should be sexual slave, especially if your boyfriend is rich, handsome and has his own helicopter.

7. Women who read graphic porn novels will not gravitate toward the types of abusive relationships depicted in books like Fifty Shades.

8. It’s okay for the lead character Christian to tell his lover Ana “I will hurt you, but I will buy you nice gifts so you will stay with me.”

9. The physical pain a man would inflict on a woman is not as bad as the pain of losing him

10. Attention women get from their abuser is better than no attention at all.

11. Abuse of power, by a man over a woman is normal

12. Female inequality to man is okay

13. Sexual violence must be tolerated by women

14. Women can ‘fix’ violent, controlling men by being obedient and loving.

15. A man wants a woman—but on his own terms.

16. The movie will help your marriage.

17. Abuse and violent sex will heal that deep hurt and need for intimacy in your own heart.

18. It’s okay for a man to use sex to control, manipulate and introduce pain to a woman

19. Stay single and have any kind of sexual lifestyle you desire

20. Be selfish, be selfish, be selfish

Have we lost our moral focus that we are today celebrating such an anti-woman story because we see it as another way for women liberation?

Sadly Fifty Shades of Grey is a dangerous fantasy that will give women unrealistic , false expectations and convince them into accepting abusive and violent behaviour from men. Avoid it.

Have you read the book or watched the movie? What is your opinion?

Sin, not xenophobia is damaging us

Sin, not xenophobia is damaging us

Before 1994 foreigners from everywhere in Africa faced discrimination and even violence in South Africa, though much of that risk was from the institutionalised racism of the time due to the aparthied system. After the first democratic election and the enthronement of the ANC in 1994, contrary to expectations, the incidence of xenophobia didn’t disappear but increased. Between 2000 and 2015 at least 100 people died in what were identified as xenophobic attacks.

In January 2015 rioters targeted shops and properties of foreign nationals in Johannesburg suburb and other locations. Sadly, it is understood that a young school boy was shot and killed during this incidents. The attacks were motivated by xenophobia but it is ultimate a SIN problem. SIN is when you break the law that governs peaceful co-existence. Sin is the reason we murder others, Sin is the reason why we steal from others. Sin is the reason why we dislike the success of even our brothers. Sin is the reason why we only care about ourselves. Man by nature is sinful and evil. So to honestly tell you how I feel, I feel it is sin that got us here.

WE ARE SINNERS because we allowed xenophobia and racism to be part of our past and current generations. This has continued for so many years without being addressed by the government and people.

WE ARE SINNERS because drugs and alcohol has taken over control of our emotions and senses. Sin doesn’t allow us to make sound and balance judgment anymore when it comes to tolerance and showing hospitality to our neighbours due to our constant intoxication.

WE ARE SINNERS because we don’t practice what we preach anymore. We have lost the loving touch of “ubuntu”. We talk about it, sing it, recite it and even wear the costumes but we don’t practice it. Instead we see neighbours as economical and social enemies.

WE ARE SINNERS because though we are out of the apartheid era, apartheid is still in us. We have adopted a system that works to exclude some persons for selfish reasons.

WE ARE SINNERS because a lot of people who left their countries due to economical or social oppression can’t find a home amongst us. Sin has turned us into “terrible host”.

WE ARE SINNERS because certain townships and areas are not safe for foreigners anymore. Why is that? Are we now trying to decide who comes into my side of the town or city to conduct business? What happened to the freedom of movement? Sin will make you feel insecure even in your own home.

WE ARE SINNERS because lives were lost from both the foreign and the local side of the population. Sin has engrafted us to the point of being insensitive to murder and place no value on human life. It’s sad that we lost fathers, brothers, children etc. How do you justify this?

WE ARE SINNERS because we have created the whole situation into us against them. We prejudice other African nationals. Sin separates people based on race, tribe, religion, nationality etc. We have created hatred, accusations and insensitivity amongst us.

WE ARE SINNERS because we have allowed this situation to keep happening, from one generation to the other with no hope of resolving it. Sin has made us to pass xenophobia through our “DNA”, like an inheritance that is passed on to our children. I am afraid my son will turn out the same way. For how long will this continue?

WE ARE SINNERS because we have failed for many years to realise that xenophobia is not the problem but sin. Like Christians would say “Man has been sinning since the fall of Adam in the garden of Eden”

WE ARE SINNERS and thus need a saviour, and it seems the government or NGOs are sure not that. The solution to all the xenophobic tragedies is far beyond education, tolerance or mediation. It is all about the transformation of the heart and soul of sinful the man. Bringing God into the equation gives me hope for South Africa and Africa.

So just like every human, South Africans are sinners, not xenophobic. I’m a sinner too!

Pastors love too much sex? Pastor Zondo on the cover of the Daily Sun

Pastors love too much sex? Pastor Zondo on the cover of the Daily Sun

Earlier this week a video showing well renowned Pastor and popular Ukhozi FM motivational speaker, Sthembiso Zondo in the nude, went viral on social media.

The recorded video, taken by a woman sitting in front of him, shows the unmarried Pastor Zondo talking on his phone, while pacing up and down around the lounge in front of a woman sitting on a couch, the video shows the pastor wearing nothing, using his hand to rub his penis, twice. Divorced Zondo is the founder and senior pastor of Soul Renaissance Ministries Durban, South Africa, established in 2001. He also founded Zero-to-Hero, an NGO whose objective is to preach the gospel of hope.

This is indeed a very sad story seeing that Pastor Zondo influences millions of people and is ranked as one of the most influential pastors in South Africa. The new rockstars in town are definitely pastors, they command respect, attention, drive state-of-the art cars, they are always on TV and radio and wear designer clothes.

One statistic in a book “Fallen Pastor: Finding Restoration In A Broken World” by Ray Carroll shows that 33% of pastors have crossed the line with a woman not their spouse but have not been caught. That is an alarming number. More and more pastors are cheating on God and cheating on their spouses – married and unmarried.
A lot of people commenting on social media about pastor Zondo’s issue didn’t see anything wrong with his action insisting that the notion of thou shall not “judge the man of God”, while some are asking him to step away from being a pastor and speaker because he has broken ranks from his godly office. Taking from the scene  and mood of the 37 seconds video it looks like the woman is his sexual partner. Even if she’s not (highly unlikely), the question remains, why was he parading himself naked in front of a woman?

So why do male pastors cheat on their wives or fornicate though unmarried? Some have many girlfriends with no shame. Though a lot is expected of a deacon, elder, or pastor, “it seems that cheating has become the new normal, the new cool perhaps”

The truth is that most pastors are ordinary feeble men and are prone to like every man to be vulnerable to sexual attraction. There is no difference between pastors and other ordinary men. Pastors commit sexual sin for the same reason people who are not pastors do. What is that? Well, it consist of different reasons ranging from the abuse of influence to temptations, vulnerable needs and weaknesses.

Pastors engage in sexual sins because we allow them. We keep quiet when we find out that a pastor is cheating on his wife or in sexual association with another woman though he’s unmarried. We misuse phrases from the bible like “who are you to judge”, “touch not the Lord’s anointed” and “him who is without sin cast the first stone”.  What rubbish!

Some women are the reason why pastors cheat and have sexual encounters. They devalue themselves and offer their vagina to these fraudulent men of God, thinking it would increase God’s blessings in their lives and upgrade their social and spiritual status. That’s a lie from hell. Women selling themselves cheap encourage pastors to satisfy their lustful pleasure with whoever, whenever. I know so many single pastors who are dating multiple women, some are aware of it and still hang around them. Run baby!

Also, sometimes married pastors are bored with their wives and vulnerable to “something different.” But some cheaters have great wives and are not bored. So, this is no answer. Some single pastors just don’t want to commit to their girlfriends or one woman. They ride on the attention and influence they have over vulnerable women in the church.

Certain pastors think they are stronger than they are. But they are not – we all are not. Don’t believe your hype, your office as a pastor does not make you immune to temptations and sin. I have heard of a Congolese pastor based in Johannesburg pastoring a mega church in Midrand who uses every opportunity to lure young women into satisfying his sexual passions. He still prides himself as a miracle maker. We all need help. We need a community of faith, mentors, friends, family and a net to fall into.

Furthermore, pastors feel they are in love with the sexual partner and justify it as “what I’ve been searching for all my life.” But they are just as likely to know going in that this is temporary, shallow, one-dimensional, and its trouble, yet they still do it. This is no answer.

Bottom line is pastors cheat and engage in fornication because just like us, we are all sinners in need of grace daily.  They allow their relationship with God to get to a broken state. They get weak and don’t reach out for help.

So if you are Pastor Zondo, what would you say to your congregation this Sunday? The devil made me do it?

Pastors are sinners too. Pray for your pastor.

Late Senzo Meyiwa and his girlfriend Kelly Khumalo

Late Senzo Meyiwa and his girlfriend Kelly Khumalo

Dear Kelly,

I am writing to you publicly, to tell you how sorry I am for the recent loss of your boyfriend, Senzo Meyiwa, and the excessive attack you received via the social media from people who disapproved of your role as a nyatsi (the other woman).  You don’t deserve all those harsh words, my dear.  You are very talented, lovely, beautiful and sometimes, God-loving young woman.

I would also like to apologise for the way men have used you over the years.  I know you desire to get married, but as it is, you are still single.  The result of some men’s dishonestly in your relationship with them is evident in your status as a single mother of two lovely kids; one with a father in prison and the other with a late father.  I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

You don’t deserve all this from men, because you are a beauty and you have brains.  But it does seems your beauty overtakes your brain in some of your decision making, a case of trading physical looks for personal character.

You don’t deserve all this rubbish from men because all cheating men tell their girlfriends they will divorce their wives.  Sad as it may be, I am sure that Senzo probably sold you the same dummy.  It’s the best and oldest line married men use to score beautiful single women like you.

You don’t deserve all this nonsense from men because you are worth so many cows for lobola, but your family hasn’t received a single cow yet.

You don’t deserve all this abuse from men because everybody around you may have told you it was not your fault; that it was all your ex-boyfriend’s fault.

You don’t deserve all this lack of appreciation from men because some men are in a relationship or married.  It was only for “fun” and “just sex”.

You don’t deserve all these lies from men because your “fun” with a married man means a lot of pain to another woman.  What about girl code?  “Sleeping with a guy who’s in a relationship will hurt someone”.

I remember you back in 2003 when as a 20 year old with your 12 year old sister Zandile, you competed in the talent search of SABC 1’s gospel programme Crux.  You did well.  At the time you had mentioned that, and I quote you, “I’ve wanted to sing gospel all my life. Winning the competition will mean I’ll be able to tell people about God. To me gospel music is not just about singing, it’s about ministering to people as well.”

Today, with all the fame I wonder what happened to that innocent, lovely and honest girl.  The best way to minister to people as you’d mentioned back in 2003 is to be honest, show integrity, transparency and refuse to be the other woman.  That is what one calls being a bearer of good news.

I would like to suggest that next time you get an opportunity to enter into a relationship with someone who is in another relationship or married, walk away from all that and avoid all the self, spiritual and corporate damage. Unfortunately Senzo will never be your husband even if he’d planned to divorce his wife, Mandisa, because he is now no more.

In any case, it doesn’t work that way. You would have broken Godly principles of marriage if you did.

I will be praying for you for a God fearing husband.


One Woman Husband – with no girlfriend

Senzo with his lovely wife Mandisa

Senzo with his lovely wife Mandisa

I have a confession to make, football is my second wife. After my first wife this is one game I love so much. I am a huge fan since time immemorial. As a journalist, I have covered FIFA World Cups in Germany 2006, South Africa 2010 and Brazil 2014, interviewing world class footballers. I am also very aware that football is all about MISTAKES. The defenders and goalkeepers need to make mistakes for the opposition to score a goal and win the game. It’s the same thing with our lives, romance, marriages and relationships.

Soccer player, husband and father of three girls – Senzo Meyiwa, made some terrible marriage mistakes outside of his usual tuff, the football field, these I felt contributed in bringing an end to this great and passionate individual’s life.

For the records Senzo met his wife Mandisa Mkhize in Johannesburg in 2005. They got married in 2013 and barely a year later he was seeing (cheating with) singer Kelly Khumalo albeit without Mandisa’s knowledge. Mandisa later found out and a saga ensued with Kelly assaulting Mandisa. Senzo has gone back and forth between the two women over the past year and recently went public with Kelly by his side. Are we surprised that he was murdered while with her?

This is the very same Senzo who had professed his Christian faith publicly, inscribed bible scriptures on his football kit and he never ceased to glorify God for every victory. His wife Mandisa told a newspaper, “He is a real believer and he reads the Bible at every chance he gets. I love his dedication and commitment. He is my hero, a real sweetheart.” This is not to condemn Senzo but instead learning from his marriage flaws, life and family. Senzo, like all of us struggled with sin, his was the sin of infidelity and it gradually led him to his death-bed, sadly. He could have avoided his death if he had rejected making these 5 marriage mistakes.

Here are 5 marriage mistakes which I believe killed Senzo:


On the football field Senzo was both captain of his football club Orlando Pirates and South Africa. He was a great leader on the football field, but on the home front he was unfortunately not proficient as a leader. Now I am not just talking about leadership expression by providing the financial, emotional and social need of his wife and three baby girls, which he did with great results. I am referring to leading by example as a husband and father in a country that is seriously lacking in this area. We are all aware that his own father had to bring him to book regarding this, the Kelly issue.


Senzo himself confessed to his lack of integrity after his wife found out about his relationship with “the other woman”, Kelly Khumalo. He said, ‘This is all my fault. I lied to them [Kelly and Mandisa]”. Wherever integrity is missing it hurts everyone connected to you, isn’t it. “I approached her [Kelly] and she asked if I am married. But I wasn’t man enough to tell her the truth. As a result, she fell in love with me.” Senzo added.


Kelly only found out he was married five months into their relationship, by then his wife had also heard about the affair when a colleague showed her Kelly’s Instagram account with so many photos of the two of them. Being a Christian himself, Senzo knew the importance of faithfulness to one partner as a husband, but he failed to implement it. His wife said, “When I saw pictures of them looking cosy I got the shock of my life. I was heartbroken and cried hysterically. I called Senzo and told him to respect me as a wife but he denied he was having an affair with Kelly”.


I know everyone has been blaming Kelly but I don’t see how she should solely be held responsible for his infidelity but then she is partially responsible for it, isn’t it? It takes two to tango. Kelly’s colourful past doesn’t help people’s opinion of her anyway, but for allowing herself to play the role of a mistress after discovering his marital status, she indeed contributed to his demise. Please don’t get me wrong, as I’m not suggesting she pulled the trigger or she arranged a hit on Senzo. However, if the relationship had ended earlier, we wouldn’t be mourning the death of Senzo today. Not surprising, when Kelly visited Senzo’s family she was chased away for bringing destruction into the Meyiwa family.


Mandisa was recently quoted in the Sunday Sun as saying: ‘I’m glad my husband is back home. I’m loving every moment. Senzo is a good man who loves his family. I support him in his career and we are now closer than ever.’ However, a few months ago Kelly revealed on social media that she was happily involved with the father of her second child. Senzo Meyiwa met his dead still married to Mandisa and in a relationship with his nyatsi (mistress) Kelly. The good thing about our mistakes is we could become victorious and overcome them whenever we make up our mind to not go back to them. Senzo never exercised this option of grace.


Now none of these 5 marriage mistakes pulled the trigger on Senzo. The trigger was pulled by some heartless criminals who don’t value life and lack respect for humanity. But these 5 mistakes surely contributed to Senzo’s demise.

As we mourn the life of the legendary Senzo Meyiwa, are we as men going to continue seeking for other relationships outside our wives? Are we going to say “do not judge because only God can judge me” like Tupac? Are we going to keep destroying our wives, children and home as we seek for temporal sexual gratification elsewhere? God forbid.

I feel Senzo was even dead long before he got shot by these merciless intruders. The way God made it, a married man is already dead whenever he is torn between the love of two women, whenever he fail to keep his covenant.

When I think about my own beautiful wife and son, I wonder if the same marriage mistakes which killed Senzo Meyiwa could kill me one day, if I let it that is. I don’t blame Senzo, I blame his mistakes.

Our deepest condolences go out to his wife, children, family, fellow soccer players, fans and yes, Kelly Khumalo, the nyatsi (the other woman). May our beloved Senzo’s soul rest in peace.

HAMBA KAHLE Senzo! Once a pirate, Always a pirate!

If you have any question or comment, please email info@parable.co.za or call 082 212 9438. Follow me on twitter @SolomonAshoms or LIKE my page on facebook – Solomon Izang Ashoms


Get A Copy Of My NEW Book, DEAR WOMAN – Nuggets For A Better Relationship. Email info@parable.co.za or Call 082 212 9438

Dear Woman

Dear Woman

Falling in love is great and amazing, I know it because I am in love with my beautiful wife and every time I think about our union I feel excited and hopeful for our future. As we continue to learn about each other daily, I constantly ask myself and God about the best way to be a husband, friend, father and lover to my wife and expectant baby.

Are you asking the right questions?

Are you asking the right questions?


Now before I got married I always ask myself some very important and hard questions before jumping into any relationship or commit to getting married. I believe you have to ask yourself some few questions also before deciding to spend the rest of your life with another person – a partial stranger, don’t set yourself up for failure. Marriage is one of the best and most beautiful creation of God – but it requires hard work.


Today we have a very high rate of divorce and failed marriages because a lot of people entered into the marriage union without proper preparation. They felt love is enough to carry them through and missed the important elements of marriage. You need to be real with yourself! There are many solid questions you need to ask yourself even before you interrogate your potential spouse.

Well, here are my 20 questions that I think every single person should ask him or herself before you decide to get married.

1. Do I truly know what commitment, sacrifice and faithfulness is?

2. Am I spiritual, emotional, mentally and financially ready for it?

3. Do I have unresolved issues with my parents or elders, and if so, am I taking steps to work through them?

4. Have I lived on my own, and if not, do I want to?

5. Where do I stand on having children? Do I want kids or not? Have I considered all possibilities?

6. Am I ready and willing to embrace my spouse’s family (including children he or she may have) as my own?

7. Do I know who I am and what I want out of life?

8. Does my joy and happiness only come from this person?

9. Am I still carrying sexual, emotional, behavioural and spiritual baggage from past relationships?

10. When it comes to the life I have dreamed of, what are the things that I consider non-negotiable?

11. Do I believe in traditional roles of a husband and wife in marriage, or do I expect something different?

12. Do I pretend when I am with him/her or I am myself?

13. Why do I want to marry this person? Are they great reasons?

14. What would be missing from my life if she or he weren’t in it?

15. Do we share the same values, principles and worldview?

16. Does he or she respects and value me? Do I?

17. Am I getting married because I want a wedding or because I want to be great marriage?

18. Do I feel pressure by my parents, family, friends, pastor or age to get married?

19. Does he or she bring something of value into my life?

20. Do I know how to submit and to love?

These are just a few of my thoughts, I am sure there are more which you know. Please ponder over it and make a clear and informed decision. Share with me your thoughts.

See you at the altar🙂

For your RELATIONSHIP advice, coaching and speaking engagement email info@parable.co.za or call 082 212 9438. Follow me on twitter @SolomonAshoms or like my page on facebook – Solomon Izang Ashoms

Dishonesty - sign of a good for nothing husband/boyfriend

Dishonesty – sign of a good for nothing husband/boyfriend

April 15th 2014 was a sad day for Nigeria, Africa and the world, 230 school girls were kidnapped by an extremist muslim group called Boko Haram, whose name in the Hausa language means “Western education is a sin”. Their age range is between 15-18. The attack in Nigeria is part of a global backlash against girls’ education by extremists. They reportedly are being auctioned off for $12 each to become “wives” of militants. About 50 girls escaped, but the police say that 276 are still missing. It’s indeed time to Bring Back Our Girls

Well, the sad truth is many women are “kidnapped” in so many relationships by dishonest, manipulative, cheating and testosterones-driven men. Unlike these young girls though, they have a choice to either set themselves free or continue as a victim.

Here are 5 reasons why I think your boyfriend or husband is a “member” of Boko Haram:

1. If You Are Staying With Your Boyfriend, He is a member of Boko Haram – Both culturally and religiously unacceptable in the African culture – shacking, cohabiting or vat n sit is a modern day kidnapping through a relationship. He is okay with you moving in so he could have maximum access to the benefits of marriage – cooking, sex, house keeping, financial support etc. You are not a slave. #BringBackOurGirls

2. If He Is Refusing To Get Engaged or Pay Lobola (Dowry) – This is a usual practice lately, to be in a relationship for so long and refusing to move to the next level. Excuses range from “I am not ready”, financially weak, waiting for my dream job etc. #BringBackOurGirls

3. When He Thinks You Are Married Because He Paid Lobola – Paying lobola for me doesn’t equates getting married. Are you legally married with the government department? Are you legally married before God? Paying lobola is a huge step towards getting married, but refusing to complete the process towards marriage is the same as any incomplete project. Nope, you can’t move in together. #BringBackOurGirls

4. He Is Married And You Are His Girlfriend/Side Chick – This man is a strong member of Boko Haram. What happened to faithfulness in marriage, commitment and the vows he made to his wife? Just because he bought you a car, home, clothes and meet your needs doesn’t make him a decent man. He is a member of Bokom Haram, stay away from him, let him go back to his wife. #BringBackOurGirls

5. He Keep Cheating And Changing Women – This is the epitome of this Boko Haram member. He believes he has the right to date and have sex with any woman, at anytime. This man is not ready for any sort of commitment, he will break your heart and leave you emotionally drained. You are not up for auction, so do yourself a favour and not let his charm captivate you. #BringBackOurGirls

The future of our society and family depends a lot on you ladies. You have a great role to play, but if you continue exposing yourself to these “Boko Haram” members, we are all in for a big relationship and societal challenges. So I hope that you will avoid these men.

As for the missing 276 girls, we are praying for you.


Have you dated or are in a relationship with a man with these “Boko Haram” symptoms?

For your RELATIONSHIP advice and coaching or speaking engagement email info@parable.co.za or call 082 212 9438, BBM pin – 74B049BE

Everyone around the world is talking about the video that shows the “drama” between rapper, Jay Z and his beautiful sister-in-law,

Jay Z - Keeping it in the family

Jay Z – Keeping it in the family

Solange Knowles. We may never know the truth because there was no sound and because of that I wouldn’t want to speculate about what really happened or not – I don’t condone Solange’s attack on her brother-n-law either. It’s a family affair, only they know why (some say Solange flip out because she has a hot temper or because Jay Z did something wrong to her sister and she felt the need to defend Beyonce by using her fists).
With Jay Z’s reaction to Solange’s attack, I feel he acted in a very decent, modest and gentleman way. Like a true husband, brother-in-law and leader. So ladies, with his reaction I believe there’s a “Jay Z” in a lot of men. Here’s why?
1. Real men don’t hit women – Jay Z didn’t give her a taste of her own medicine – like a true gentleman he defended himself without retaliating despite his sister-in-law kicking, punching and throwing her shoes on him. He controlled himself.
2. Real men understand family – Jay Z understood that by forming a partnership with Beyonce, there are issues you have to deal with, sometimes complicated.
3. Real men have a family vision – it is obvious Jay Z has a vision for his family – a vision of peace, unity and understanding. By refusing to act like a thug he showed that he is not just a great business man but a great father, husband and brother-in-law.
What would you do if someone in your family attacked you physically?

For your RELATIONSHIP advice and coaching or speaking engagement email info@parable.co.za or call 082 212 9438, BBM pin – 74B049BE